What is it with hair? We spend billions of dollars every year coloring, straightening, per¬ming, weaving, cutting, length¬ening, plugging, and on and on. We have hair trans¬plants, we buy pills to take, lo¬tions to rub on, wigs and hair pieces to wear, and that isn’t the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. For whatever reason, a great deal of our identity is somewhat made up from our hair, sadly enough.
Cut, perm, or both?
There are at least nine bil¬lion different ways to cut hair. And that’s just a conservative estimate. There may be a gazil¬lion more, but after a while counting becomes a bit tiring. Plus, I’ve never been good at math and after a few dozen, who cares anyway?
With all those different ways to style hair, how does one choose the right one? As far as I can determine, there are just a few acceptable ways to pick the right “look.” They are:
1. Browse through the hundreds of old and somewhat newer style magazines in the salon (although new is better than old unless you want to end up looking like your best friend’s father or mother – remember that person?) Like I said, keep the style magazine new;
2. Take in a picture of your fa¬vorite singer or television star. You won’t end up looking like that but self-deception always helps in fashion, grooming, and relationships (never mind that last one – I’m sure s/he really does love / like / tolerate you);
3. Offer a vague description to the stylist of how you want it to look as you stare at him/her in the mirror. Neither of you will probably end up happy with the style, but at least you didn’t have to cut out pictures from magazines;
4. Let the stylist choose (they like this because they can be artistic and they don’t have to worry about creating your particular dream. On the other hand, they hate this because then the result is all on them);
5. Go with what you’ve always had. This is the easiest, the simplest, the most stress free. It can also be the least imaginative, behind the times, dull cut there is but at least no thought was involved (and we all like that from time to time).
So after you have the style chosen, there is still color (if you want to change it, high¬light it, or cover the gray or purple). Not everyone does color their hair, of course, but most at least think about it at some point, and enough do to make it a billion dollar industry.
Cutting and coloring may be fine, but what if you don’t have enough?
If you think that you’ve been losing your hair, you have been. If you think that you’re going bald, you are. All people lose hair as they age – no big deal. That is unless you’ve been losing it prematurely (for most guys, prematurely means before eighty years old). And if you’ve been losing hair, or indeed have lost every last strand of it, you’ve been thinking about ways to get it back, or at least cover up the loss. Now it’s time for the creams, the pills, the hairpieces, the wigs.
Yes, there are some medicines that can work, at least some of the time, for some peo¬ple. Yes, it’s expensive. But for hair? Many men will gladly pay the price.
But what if the drug won’t work for you? There is still the tried and true toupee, the hairpiece, the wig. You can pur¬chase some hairpieces for as low as twenty dollars (yes, they look it) and the price can go to the thousands (and can actually look pretty good. We can still spot them of course, but with the good ones we don’t laugh quite as loudly when you leave. It’s nothing personal – we’re just bored).
Some hairpieces can appear fairly life-like. But it de¬pends on the hair, the designer, the color and how that color matches and blends with your own. Here’s a clue men: if you are over forty (and especially over sixty) add gray to the wig. Natural hair on men after their fifties and even earlier generally has some gray in it. Natural hair is not always the same shade of one dark color.
Here are another couple of things about hair. If your eye¬brows are dark brown, don’t color your hair platinum blonde. If your hair is red, don’t color it platinum blonde. Dark brown or red eyebrows un-derneath bright blonde hair look absurd. So do blonde eyebrows underneath dark hair. Remember; match the hair to the eyebrows unless you’re going for that particular look…and you’re under thirty.
Men, if the color of the hair on your chest, arm, legs and beard is gray, or partially gray, don’t have solid black or brown hair. This screams insecurity. Ever see a guy at the beach and whatever hair he has on his body is gray and the hair on his head is solid black? Yes, the women on the beach are laughing.
If you are going to have hair transplants, find the best doctor on the planet. Nothing looks more absurd than poorly done hair transplants. Well done trans-plants can indeed look fairly natural (note, that the operative words there are “well done.” The job need to be well done – as in excellent, as in expensive and worth every penny, as in artistic, as in you want to kiss the mirror every time you walk by one). Got it? You want an excellent doctor, a brilliant doctor, a genius of a doctor. Remember, people see your head first. The idea is to never give them a reason to laugh. Never, never, never. Ever.
Finally, if you’re tired of trying everything, and you just want to be done with it, go for the bald look. A number of women have mentioned that they think it’s sexy. But if you do go for that look, please remember to shave it everyday. Razor burn from stubble on the top of the head is not cool.
A friend of mine finally did the bald look. He’s happy with it. Yes, he does say that shaving takes a bit longer every day, but when comparing that to coloring, toupees, weird styles, and all the money he’s spent over the past thirty years (he started going bald in his teens) he says he couldn’t be happier. And apparently some women think he looks sexier. If he had known that thirty years ago he could have bought a Lamborghini with the money he would have saved.